This is what I woke up to a few weeks ago… a $-179.00 checking account balance with Chase Bank.
We often love to celebrate the wins that everybody has, and I am probably the loudest cheerleader when someone has a win.
When we hear of someone in a negative or low place: the energy, the faith, and the hope it takes for them to come out of that place is miraculous. If you’re someone like me, coming out of that place only occurs with the power of God. When I get upset over money…I need God’s help; I always will.
Quite a few people who know me know that I know how to manage money. I haven’t had an overdraft account in years. How did this happen?
Two words: Anxiety and Fear.
Anxiety is the fruit of fear, but fear is surely the root of anxiety.
What am I anxious about?
I am someone who loves to plan things, and one of the ways I most enjoy planning is by creating lists. But I don’t make simple lists. I make long lists that can easily have over 100 things on them that are time-sensitive and highly important. The things on my list would affect multiple people if something was forgotten.
On the surface, this looks awesome:
- Go to the list
- Get things done
- Stay on track
I have a household of six people and anybody would say I need a list to survive, right?
But what happens in me is this idea that it is MY MIND that holds life in balance, and if MY MIND forgets how to balance things it causes me to create these long, high-stress complicated lists that all have me as the cornerstone. I am not blaming anybody for my habits in this area. This is my way of responding to my fears.
My account was overdrafted because I was afraid that I would forget to pay bills that I already planned and budgeted for earlier in the month. The bills were expected to be paid on a schedule, but I paid them all on the same day instead of following the payment schedule. I over drafted my accounts because I didn’t trust God to be the One who sustains my mind, and I trusted fear more- that the budget I asked God to help me make 7 months ago wasn’t good enough. And the long complicated money list I had sent my thoughts in circles.
Whether I am a mother of four with a husband, dog, business, ministry, and a full-time job— or I am a single, independent, successful woman—-both versions of me do not produce anything good when I am afraid, and when I am anxious.
The night before I saw my account, I had spent time with God, and I acknowledged the fact that I have all these lists and money lists because I believe that MY POWER commands my life.
It is 100,000,000,000% not my power and not my might that sustains money for me.
I had a negative account and no idea I would fix it, however…
I’m grateful that God allowed me to see the cause before seeing the effect. If I don’t change the root, I will not be able to change the fruit.
Before I figured out how to clear up my account, I decided to lower my countless lists down to about 5-10 things.
I also set boundaries on the VIEWING of my to-do lists because checking them constantly produced more stress in me.
The simple truth is that it is God who holds my life in order, not me.
When He said to me that my decisions that come from fear do not produce the fruit that His peace does… He meant that and I’m starting to believe it.
I hope my lesson on trust is a blessing to you.
“God, thank You for Your mercy towards me; thank You for Your willingness to teach me wisdom and how to turn away from fear and towards Your peace. In Christ’s Name, amen.”
Oh, and I did clear it up…thankfully. It took me 2 days.
-$179.00
+Cash App from a friend for $17 (they did not know about my account)
+Bonus check for $34 that ( it had been delayed for over a month but showed up in the mail during this learning lesson)
+$29 purchase refund
+100.18 from savings (I plan to replace this)
$2.12 cashback from credit card points
=$3.39
Thank you for reading!